Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
