Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
