How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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