I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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