We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
