Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
