At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
