I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
