went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
