fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
