dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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