Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
