How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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