He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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