i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Buhtt sex?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
