i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize