just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
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I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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