1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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