I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Holy sore nipples Batman
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
