Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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