i jhust puked up my retainher.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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