you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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