you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
