The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
