I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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