You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize