he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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