Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
