Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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