Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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