She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
