remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
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sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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