Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
