i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
