I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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