my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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