There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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