We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
