We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
