you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
