I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
