It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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