she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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