Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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