Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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