you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize