If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
