i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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