She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
