There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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