do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
