fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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