508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Are we still banned from the library?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
