I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
