Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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