Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
