in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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