When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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