so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
