I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
