if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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