she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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