Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
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Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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