Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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