I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
