i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
