I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's the barista slut.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
