Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
