Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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