You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
