Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
