Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
