its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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