he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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