I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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