he thought i was a dude.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
