Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
