; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
