"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
