She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
