what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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