I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
